Friday, April 18, 2014

I know This Feeling...

It is quite an amazing feeling when someone creates a spark in you. You feel as if you have known them for a long time. They have the right face, the right hair, the right smell, the right laugh. You can't quite put your finger on it but you know you do not want to let this person out of your life.

Our brains release the same chemicals that tell us we are in love whether it is with a person we just met or someone we have known a while. Your brain cannot tell the difference. All you know is that for some subconscious reason, you want this person.

Now if this person ALSO feels the same spark right off the bat, then hold on! You are about to go on quite an exciting ride! Even though your brain can't tell the difference between what you are feeling... YOU know that this is something special. Something that doesn't happen every day. Something that may never happen again. You don't want it to end.

Is it real? Yes. Is it rare? Yes. Will it last? No way to tell. What does it feel like? Like the most happiest scariest moment of your life all rolled into one. Please, please don't let it end...

Monday, April 14, 2014

Cut Them Off

 "Stop going back to the one who brings you more pain than happiness. It's not worth it to continue to invest your feelings into somebody unworthy of your love."
Life is ultimately filled with events that may cause us great difficulty and great pain. There are going to be people in our lives that we thought would always be there for us that disappear. There are going to be people that seem to never grow that expect us to not progress with them, and get angry when we seek progress.

There are going to be those who we must cut off if we are going to make efforts to be a success in our lives. Never use this as an excuse to hurt someone back. Remember that none of your achievements will mean anything until you have been able to overcome things in your life that helped to stay in your way. Bad things will always happen, it is up to you to decide how to handle every thing within your control, and whether to simply move on, or act in a manner that will make you look and feel as a bad person.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Have Some Self Respect....

     When someone hurts you time and time again, accept the fact that they don't care about you. Its a tough pill to swallow, but its necessary medicine.

     If you know someone who insists on destructively dictating the emotional atmosphere, then be clear: they are toxic.  If you are suffering because of their attitude, and your compassion, patience, advice, and general attentiveness doesn’t seem to help them, and they don’t seem to care one bit, then ask yourself, “Do I need this person in my life?”
When you delete toxic people from your environment it becomes a lot easier to breathe.  If the circumstances warrant it, leave these people behind and move on when you must.  Seriously, be strong and know when enough is enough!  Letting go of toxic people doesn’t mean you hate them, or that you wish them harm; it simply means you care about your own well-being.
A healthy relationship is reciprocal; it should be give and take, but not in the sense that you’re always giving and they’re always taking.
     You can’t “help” someone by making unwarranted pardons for everything they do simply because they have problems.  There are plenty of people who are going through extreme hardships who are not toxic to everyone around them.  We can only act with genuine compassion when we set boundaries.  Making too many pardons and allowances is not healthy or practical for anyone in the long-term.

     If you’re not careful, toxic people can use their moody behavior to get preferential treatment, because… well… it just seems easier to quiet them down than to listen to their grouchy rhetoric.  Don’t be fooled.  Short-term ease equals long-term pain for you in a situation like this.  Toxic people don’t change if they are being rewarded for not changing.  Decide this minute not to be influenced by their behavior.  Stop tiptoeing around them or making special pardons for their continued belligerence.
Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with.  If someone over the age 21 can’t be a reasonable, reliable adult on a regular basis, it’s time to…

     Your dignity may be attacked, ravaged and disgracefully mocked, but it can never be taken away unless you willingly surrender it.  It’s all about finding the strength to defend your boundaries.
Demonstrate that you won’t be insulted or belittled.  To be honest, I’ve never had much luck trying to call truly toxic people (the worst of the worst) out when they’ve continuously insulted me.  The best response I’ve received is a snarky, “I’m sorry you took what I said so personally.”  Much more effective has been ending conversations with sickening sweetness or just plain abruptness.  The message is clear:  There is no reward for subtle digs and no games will be played at your end.
Truly toxic people will pollute everyone around them, including you if you allow them.  If you’ve tried reasoning with them and they aren’t budging, don’t hesitate to vacate their space and ignore them until they do.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

The L Word...

The word Love is tossed about like a football now days. So many people have lost the meaning of that word. Love is a spiritual gift, a cosmic connection and is the most powerful emotion in the human body. It can cause your mind to take your body past its physical limits. It can defeat all that is negative. Where love resides you will find a cause and there u will find honor, loyalty, respect, morals, values, happiness and maybe you will even find your calling. You will also find that love will always defeat evil, and you will find God. Nothing is stronger than that...

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

No Words Needed...

A word not spoken
and a touch not yet shared,
but with a single glance,
your cheeks know
to prepare themselves
for blushing.
And no matter the room
or the furniture between us
I will brush your hair
back behind your ears
with my eyes and I will
kiss the sides of your
neck with a glance. 
I will unwind the fabric
and uncover the skin
and decorate it all with
goose bumps.  Then I
will blink, find your eyes
and realize I never
even left my chair for a
single moment.

You Deserve So Much More...

An old friend once said to me "People accept the love they think they deserve." I heard this dialogue and found myself nodding my internal head, “Yup, yup. So true, so true.” I neatly catalogued the statement in my mind as a “profound cliché” and moved on. Until the middle of that night, when I woke up asking myself the uncomfortable, inevitable question: “So, Dan, what kind of love do you think you deserve?”

Crap crap crap crap crap!!

For the record – I am still working on my own answer. But what has come up for me thus far (after hours of meditating on the question) is that I think I deserve the kind of love that is love. As in, I deserve authentic love – not a list of specific behaviors that culture and society has categorized as “the type of things people should do when they love someone.”

For each different kind of love – platonic, romantic, familial, mentorship, loyalty – there is another list. I suppose these lists are designed to be helpful, such that we can look at our own internal list and decipher how much another person loves us….or doesn’t.

But the truth is – as my mentor has continually been trying to teach me over the years – love doesn’t look like anything other than love. Love itself doesn’t adhere to my list of expectations. Love doesn’t expect itself to act or speak any certain way, to recognize certain holidays (even – gasp – my birthday) or spend time with folks I may like very much but my beloved may not.

Love wouldn’t be love – kind, tough, sensual, and all the other kinds in between – if it allowed a list to announce or control its presence or expression.

So while I still don’t exactly know what kind of love I think I “deserve,” I know what kind of love I want – the only kind there is. I want the kind of love that is love.

And if I think I am deserving of love (which I think that I think I am) then I definitely think I deserve the kind of love that is love. In that case, no other kind will do.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Dear Ladies,

 I know some of you compare yourselves to other ladies, wishing you were photogenic like them, wishing you could look pretty without trying like them, wishing you had facial features like them, wishing you had physical features like them and... then you look in the mirror and say "Why do I look like this & not like that?" Well, let me tell you this.... Don't try to be like anyone else, be like yourself. I can promise you that there is a guy out there right now who thinks you are beautiful exactly the way you are and thinks you're prettier than the girls you compare yourselves to. Don't ever change a damn thing about yourself. You're perfect. True story. ~Sincerely, Mr. Porter~